by thevagenda
‘At last I feel confident!’ chirps Ellie Goulding on the front of this month’s Cosmo, leading me to conclude that she hasn’t been reading the magazine she so beautifully graces the cover of. If there’s one thing Cosmo ain’t gonna leave you with, it’s confidence. ‘Inside his sex brain! Find out exactly what he’s […]
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by thevagenda
Is soup good for you? Maybe not,’ according to the blog that my gym runs. The piece is all over my newsfeed on Facebook, and my head’s so full of fantasies about eating ale and pizza with best friends at the pub tonight that I can hardly make sense of the what exactly it’s […]
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by thevagenda
I am an actor who is a woman; some people call that an actress. Aside from crying, jobless, in their pyjamas, an actor’s main activity is moaning about stuff. Usually this ‘stuff’ is what they perceive to be the cause of their unemployment: nepotism, shit agents, Tories – that sort of thing. It […]
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by thevagenda
The other night I was cut down to size. I was happy, I’d just had a piece accepted by a major New York blog and the editor said he loved it, my best friend (who I trust because she tells the truth about my work even if it’s shit) thought it was one of the […]
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by thevagenda
On the night I discovered my genital warts, I was alone in the house, and I thought I was looking at cancer. I spent a solid half hour freaking out and crying on my bed, trying to get a better view using a hand-held mirror, a desk lamp, and a series of increasingly undignified poses. […]
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by thevagenda
No I do not want to steam clean my vagina, thanks. Hey you. Thought you were going home for some exciting fun times this evening? Think again, because you probably smell, you’re definitely too hairy, and you won’t be ready for sex until you’ve had something called Pyruvic acid smothered all over your neck and […]
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by thevagenda
I have been married for 30 days. I have been asked the same three questions approximately 27,000 times. I’ll be honest: it’s starting to get on my tits. In fact, I would rather walk barefoot in a sea of Lego than answer these questions again. This probably has more to do with me […]
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by thevagenda
Of all the magazines in all the hairdressing salons in all the world, InStyle has to be the absolute worst. We’ve written before about the strange melange of fashion-speak, made up vernacular and imperatives that characterise InStyle, a publication which, to an ordinary, intelligent human woman, is essentially neck and neck with […]
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by thevagenda
For the past year, I have been going to classes to learn how to dance like Beyoncé. I know what you’re thinking: can this possibly be as fun as it sounds? The answer is yes, more fun even. It’s like dancing in your bedroom to your favourite song to the power of […]
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by thevagenda
Does ice and snow get you all hot and bothered? Do gale force winds blow your mind? Does the promise of constant hard and heavy rain get you dripping we-… well, you know what I mean. No? Well, that’s odd. Because I think you’ll find that winter is an extremely sexy time of year. […]
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